Embracing the Extraordinary: Navigating the Path of Parenting an Atypical Child

Welcome to the journey of raising your atypical kid

It is a journey that can be both challenging and rewarding. As parents of children who are atypical, neurodivergent, and/or have developmental disabilities, we often find ourselves trying to navigate through the noise and confusion that surrounds us.

It can be overwhelming trying to understand all the information out there and find a way to help our kids thrive. While I don’t have a magic wand to make it easier, I do have some ways that I have learned from experience that can help.

In this post I’ll take you step-by-step through some important strategies and tips to help you focus on what matters most, prioritize for success, and balance interventions and downtime for your family’s well-being.

As parents of neurodivergent or atypical children, we are the experts of our kids and their unique needs. Let’s empower ourselves by trusting our intuition and learning how to advocate for our children effectively.

Step by Step: Finding Your Way in the Overwhelm,
Embracing Your Role as the Expert of Your Atypical Child

The first step towards understanding developmental disabilities is recognizing that it’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of situation. This is so important to understand.

Every child is unique and has a different set of strengths and challenges. This means our kids likely won’t fit the mold of what is expected of most kids.

As parents, we need to become experts of our children and their specific needs. What works for one child or family with atypical needs, might not work for yours.

Trust your intuition and don’t be afraid to ask questions or advocate for your child.

Empowering Parents: Trusting Your Intuition

As parents, we hold the incredible power to make important decisions for our children.

I know that when you are first learning about your child’s needs, it’s common to rely on the experience of others to guide your choices.

While this may work to help you at the beginning of your journey, as you grow to understand your child better, make sure you are following your instincts when making decisions and not making choices based purely off of another’s advice.

I cannot emphasize enough how important trusting your gut is when it comes to raising our children.

While normally we rely on the expertise of educated professionals such as doctors to help us make decisions, depending on your child and their needs, it is not uncommon for those professionals to have limited knowledge, outdated information, or complete lack of knowledge that the intricacies of our childs needs would require.

Trusting your intuition has never been more crucial than when you are standing up for your child that has atypical needs.

Setting Priorities and Granting Yourself Grace:

In the whirlwind of everyday life, it can be challenging to set priorities and find the time to focus on what’s truly important.

Embrace the idea of grace and take things one step at a time.

Prioritize your child’s needs and find ways to incorporate your own self-care into your daily routine.

It’s so easy to put off what we need when we would do anything to make sure our children are taken care of.

But as they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

All parents struggle with the issue of finding time to take care of themselves at some point, but it can really reach critical levels when you are raising atypical children.

They require even more of your time and energy, and it is often harder to find someone else to meet their needs in the same way that you can.

You may not be able to just get a babysitter and take a night off.

So you have to get a little creative in making sure that you don’t completely neglect yourself, or your partners (if you have one), friends, or family that are part of your support system, so that you don’t burn out or lose your relationships along the way.

Bite Sized Moments for Your Self

Now, if you’re like most of us busy parents, when you hear self-care you roll your eyes and laugh a little. Because who has time for that, right?

But, it’s not as impossible as it sounds.

You’re just trying to find some sense of balance.

In order to do that, try not to look at self-care as an all or nothing scenario.

The most common example of this is the “I can’t get a babysitter, or trust them with anyone else so I just can’t take time for myself”.

I get it. I’ve been there. But, that doesn’t mean you just suck it up and suffer.

When you have few options, think outside the box.

Look for the little pockets of time in your day and take that time for yourself, even if it’s in small doses.

Sometimes it’s as simple as taking small 5 minute windows of breathing room here and there.

Maybe your child is napping, or otherwise occupied in a safe place and you go in the bathroom or your bedroom for a few minutes and just breathe.

You might do this already when you feel like you are at a breaking point. But you don’t have to wait until it gets that far. Seek out these opportunities and use them to your advantage.

• Take the time to gather your thoughts
• Shake off some stress
• Meditate
• Have some chocolate
• Or just sit in silence (If you have vocal stimmers like mine, 5 minutes of silence is truly like heaven)

You can fit tiny breaks in through out the day and not have to upend everything to do it.

It doesn’t seem like much, but sometimes that’s all it takes to give ourselves a chance to relax for a second, feel less overwhelmed, and get our brains back together.

If you actively look for these opportunities and take them more often they start to add up.

I know it’s not a magical day at the spa, but it can still make a difference for your mental health.

Don’t Forget Your Friends

The same thought process can apply to maintaining relationships, whether with a spouse, friend, or family members.

• Make a 5 minute phone call
• Send texts that are more than one word long if you can’t talk on the phone
• Have lunch or dinner together at your house while your child is playing
• Stay up a little later at night sometimes to have alone time with your partner.
• Have a romantic picnic on the living room floor after the kids are asleep
• Take one of those 5 minute windows of time to get a quiet long hug with your partner ( or even a quick make out sesh 😉 )

Remember underneath being an amazing parent, you are still human.

An individual with your own feelings and needs. Especially if you have a partner and everyday seems stressful, it’s important to take even just a few moments to connect and maintain your bond for each other.

I know sometimes we don’t feel we have the time or energy for anything else, but it will be worth the effort to maintain those important relationships in your life.

If you are lucky enough to have them, don’t lose them. The last thing you need when navigating challenges in your life, is having to do it alone if you don’t have to.

Focus on What Matters: Prioritizing for Success with Atypical Kids

Sleep

The power of sleep, physical activity, and emotional intelligence cannot be overstated.

Let me just clarify that this applies to BOTH you AND your children.

Adequate sleep can improve:

• mood
• cognitive function
• memory
• emotion regulation
• coping skills
• Depression
• Overwhelm

Many atypical/neurodivergent children struggle with sleep issues. When they aren’t sleeping enough, they struggle even more than usual.

So prioritize sleep, and get help if you need to.

The same goes for us parents. Usually if our child has sleep issues, by effect we have sleep issues.

Not getting enough sleep impacts our ability to function and maintain the strength and patience we need to be there for our kids.

Do whatever you need to do to make sure you are getting enough for yourself as well.

I know in some cases this is definitely easier said then done. But it should really be a top priority and makes a huge difference. I learned this the hard way, don’t be like me. 🙂

Exercise

I know, I know, we’ve all heard it before. But regular physical activity really can make a difference in improving physical and mental health.

This does NOT mean you need to be working out all the time or going to the gym and all that.

It can be as simple as going for walks a few times a week. Take your kids with you so they can benefit too.

Both the physical activity and change of environment can be good for our mental health.

Often times when our children have unique needs we end up stuck at home a lot because it’s the easiest way to control their environment.

Or, there just aren’t many places where you feel comfortable bringing them because they aren’t able to accommodate their needs.

But you can walk anywhere, and even push them in a stroller if walking isn’t their thing.

You can incorporate any type of physical activity that works for you. If you can’t get out for a walk you find something around your house.

Other ideas

• Let the kids play in the yard while you do yard work (it’s physical, it counts!)
• Rake leaves while they play in the pile
• Blow bubbles outside, they can chase them, or enjoy watching them if they’re not mobile
• Start a small garden and have them help you
• Make up some games that involve movement, indoors or out, that can be made to accomadate your child
• ***If you or your kids are into gaming, and if you have the means to do so, I highly suggest getting a Meta Quest VR. There are many awesome movement games that are also fun to play so you don’t feel like you’re just getting movement in and you don’t even have to leave the house! It’s also great for kids who have limited mobility because you can play it sitting down, as well as having various accessibility options. There is even apps in it that allow you to see places around the world without having to go anywhere. Very cool system.

Just try to incorporate something that keeps you moving into your life and your mental health will thank you.

Atypical Children and Emotional Well-Being

Emotional intelligence supports social skills and coping abilities.

This is an important aspect of raising atypical children.

Often times these skills don’t come as naturally, or are different for children who are neurodivergent and/or have developmental disabilities.

Home is a safe place where they can learn these skills in a way that works for them, without having to worry about being judged or making social missteps.

Things you can do in your daily life to help your children with emotional intelligence, social skills, and coping mechanisms:

1. Model and discuss emotions: Share your own feelings openly, use emotional vocabulary, and explain how emotions can affect behavior. Encourage your child to express their emotions and validate their experiences.
2. Practice active listening: Teach your child to listen actively by maintaining eye contact, summarizing what they heard, and asking relevant questions. This skill helps improve their communication and social interactions.
3. Role-play social scenarios: Engage in role-playing activities that simulate social situations your child may encounter. This helps them learn appropriate responses, problem-solving, and conflict resolution skills.
4. Encourage empathy and perspective-taking: Help your child understand others’ perspectives and feelings by discussing different viewpoints. Encourage empathy through discussions, storytelling, and exposing them to diverse experiences.
5. Teach self-regulation techniques: Introduce various coping strategies such as deep breathing, mindfulness exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or engaging in preferred activities. Practice these techniques together to manage stress or overwhelming emotions.
6. Provide social opportunities: Arrange playdates, group activities, or join clubs where your child can interact with peers. Structured social settings allow them to practice social skills in a supportive environment. **If they want them. Some kids are happier alone. Don’t force it!**
7. Use visual aids and social stories: Create visual schedules, social stories, or cue cards to help your child understand and remember social expectations, emotions, and appropriate responses in different situations.
8. Collaborate with professionals: Seek guidance from therapists, counselors, or educators experienced in working with neurodivergent children. They can provide personalized strategies and interventions tailored to your child’s needs.
9. Foster a safe and inclusive environment: Create an environment where your child feels accepted, respected, and supported. Encourage open communication, celebrate their strengths, and provide opportunities for them to engage with their interests.
10. Practice patience and celebrate progress: Remember that developing emotional intelligence, social skills, and coping strategies is a gradual process. Celebrate small victories, be patient, and provide ongoing support and guidance.

By incorporating these practices into your daily routine, you can create a nurturing environment that promotes your child’s emotional growth, social interactions, and coping abilities.

Balancing Interventions and Downtime

Interventions and therapies are an essential part of many atypical kids’ lives, but they shouldn’t take over their entire day.

It’s essential to find a balance between interventions and downtime.

Incorporate activities that your child enjoys, whether it be reading, playing outside, or creating art. This downtime is just as important as the therapy they receive.

**Controversial opinion warning**

I have seen so many families that have been pushed towards 40 hours a week of therapy for their children that are as young as toddler age.

40 HOURS A WEEK

That is a full time frickin job!

To put it in perspective, imagine how you feel after working a full 40 hour work week, now imagine it for your child. Shocking right?

While many times therapies incorporate some kind of play, it is still therapy. It’s WORK.

Your child is doing work on some kind of skill throughout that entire time and can’t just relax, play, and be themselves.

How in the world is this considered a normal thing is beyond me.

****Disclaimer*****

As I said before, do what you feel is best for you, I cannot speak for all atypical children in every situation. It you feel this makes sense for your childs needs, then do it. I am not a medical professional, I can only speak from experience and share advice. You should never base decisions solely off one source either way

****

Advice for Therapy and Interventions

My advice, try to only focus on therapies and interventions that are important in helping your child be able to be independent and capable of living their life with the least amount of intervention as they get older.

Things like dressing themselves, speech, self care, etc.

Don’t let people push you into therapies that are really just trying to teach them how to behave “normally”.

You don’t need to be “normal” to live a happy, productive, successful life.

They don’t need to be taught how to be just like all the other kids, just how to be the best version of themselves.

They definitely should not spend time being trained to stop stimming, or other things they do that help them self regulate, just because other people find it weird.

These are tools their brain uses to help itself cope, and taking them away only makes things more difficult for them, not easier.

They should be allowed to be themselves, with the skills and ability to live life their way.

So, functional skills are important, learning to sit, stay, do as I do and how I do it… not so much.

More Time for love

I say all of this because you will have to balance finding enough time for the necessary therapies, school, appointments, etc. as it is.

Save what time you can to let them be kids, play, and do things as a family.

Instead of wasting time training them to fit in, spend the time with them showing them how loved and accepted they are.

Even better, teach them how to love and accept themselves as well.

Lay the foundation for their self-esteem, coping skills, problem solving skills, and inner strength now, so that as they grow up they can not only handle themselves, but be capable to taking on the challenges they may face out in the world.

Finding balance looks different for every family. Strategies that work for one family may not work for another.

It’s essential to find what works best for your family and embrace it.

Take a step back, assess your current situation, and adjust as necessary.

Embrace the Journey

Raising an atypical child can be a challenging journey, but it can also be an incredibly rewarding one.

As parents, we are the experts of our children and their needs.

Trust your intuition, focus on what matters most, and find balance in your child’s interventions and downtime.

Remember to prioritize your child’s sleep, physical activity, and emotional well-being to support their overall success.

Finding balance may take time, but once you find what works best for your family, embrace it.

Keep advocating for your child, trust yourself, and don’t forget to take care of yourself along the way. Together, we can thrive on this journey of raising our atypical kids and understanding the noise surrounding developmental disabilities.