Neurodivergent, Not All The Same
In the world of Neurodiversity no one person experiences it the same. Raising neurodivergent children can be especially difficult.
While we may share some common tendencies here and there, everyone’s brain and life experiences are different.
Neurodivergent humans who are “high-functioning”, often appear to be neurotypical and go through life as such.
On the other end of the scale are those for whom it’s more obvious.
Especially if they need significant support in their day to day life.
Society sees them as disabled, and they often have resources made available to them to assist them in their day to day lives. (not always, but that’s for another day)
Somewhere in-between are those in the grey area.
Their specific set of neurodivergent traits are not as obvious to others.
Their Struggles are not easily seen by others, so they Appear like they should be able to function as expected in life.
Except they can’t
I am particularly concerned about the individuals who fall into a grey area, and they are the ones that we will focus on in this discussion.
Their struggles are not immediately visible to others, but still significantly impact their daily lives.
Enter The Catch 22
There’s so much pressure to fit in, so that we can feel like we belong, like we are good enough, to be part of society.
So when we are in this situation, we face options where it feels like there is no good choice.
No matter which path we take, it’s an uphill battle with countless obstacles.
The Expected Path
On this path we can to try to appear as expected,
Sacrificing Who We Are,
AND
Our Mental Health
in the process.
Often we still won’t reach the bar set by societies expectations.
This leads us to spend most of our lives feeling like we are failures and will never be good enough.
Unfortunately,
that feeling too often gets to be too much.
Studies have shown that the Neurodiverse community has a higher rate of suicide than the neurotypical population. (I will include links to some of the studies at the bottom of this post.)
Why is this the case?
Neurodiversity & Depression
“Autistic people are not innately more prone to suicide. We are instead faced with a hostile world that drives us into depression. Isolation, peer and family rejection, feelings of failure, difficulty achieving goals, and anxiety are all common experiences for Autistic people. We grow up knowing that something is wrong and often assume the problem lies in us. We begin to feel defective and will continue until our Autism is not only diagnosed, but accepted.”
Tori Morales- “Up to 50% of Autistics are suicidal. How do we lower the Autistic suicide rate?”
Even if the enormous stress of trying to manage all this doesn’t lead to giving up on life it can, and does, lead to burnout.
These same factors I reference above were referenced AGAIN in the results from a research study led by Portland State University.
“Results: Autistic adults described the primary characteristics of autistic burnout as chronic exhaustion, loss of skills, and reduced tolerance to stimulus. They described burnout as happening because of life stressors that added to the cumulative load they experienced, and barriers to support that created an inability to obtain relief from the load. These pressures caused expectations to outweigh abilities resulting in autistic burnout. Autistic adults described negative impacts on their health, capacity for independent living, and quality of life, including suicidal behavior. They also discussed a lack of empathy from neurotypical people and described acceptance and social support, time off/reduced expectations, and doing things in an autistic way/unmasking as associated in their experiences with recovery from autistic burnout.”
“Having All of Your Internal Resources Exhausted Beyond Measure and Being Left with No Clean-Up Crew”: A Study Defining Autistic Burnout
It’s safe to say that the struggle to meet the bar of what society thinks is acceptable has a huge impact on the mental health of those in the Neurodiverse population, and can affect their ability to live satisfying lives.
So, what other option is there?
The Less Populated Path
Some people choose this path on purpose.
It can be early on because they never feel the need for acceptance.
Or, later in life because they’ve given up on trying.
Saying fuck it, I’m just going to be me because trying to fit in isn’t working anyway.
Others don’t have a choice.
Their brains won’t even let them attempt to be anything other than themselves.
Although this option is usually better for the mental health of neurodivergent individuals, it can still be difficult
It’s Never Easy
To succeed on this path you need a strong sense of self,
and
you must possess the ability to ground yourself, so that regardless of what society thinks, you understand there is nothing wrong with you.
You accept that, and live your life adapted best to your own needs.
All the negative effects of being someone who doesn’t fit in will be a part of life.
How difficult the less traveled path will be depends on each person and their unique struggles.
With everyone’s needs, mental fortitude, abilities, and available community being different, it may not take much effort at all,
or,
it can seem an insurmountable challenge.
(Read about my own journey to self acceptance here.)
Neurodiversity Acceptance
The thing is, we shouldn’t have to choose between sacrificing who we are or living according to our needs, in order to feel welcome in the world we live in.
There are of course those who are different, that have in some way “Proven their worth” so society is more accepting of them.
Think Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, Tim burton and so many more.
All successful people that have made lasting impacts on our society, yet still face criticism for being different.
When Does it End?
At what point will society see that everyone has a purpose?
Our differences actually contribute to society in a variety of ways, and there is no such thing as “normal”.
While awareness of neurodiversity has been increasing , acceptance and equality is still lagging too far behind.
Nobody should have to suffer
feeling like the world isn’t built for them.
We are More Than Capable of allowing everyone to build to the lives that suit them. Society as whole just does not want to.
I can only imagine
all of the ideas the neurodiverse community could bring to the table if society allows them to be
Heard.
Our voices are only getting louder.
Society just needs to LISTEN.
References:
“Up to 50% of Autistics are suicidal. How do we lower the Autistic suicide rate?”
Tori Morales, Sep 23, 2022
Dora M. Raymaker, Alan R. Teo, Nicole A. Steckler, Brandy Lentz, Mirah Scharer, Austin Delos Santos, Steven K. Kapp, Morrigan Hunter, Andee Joyce, and Christina Nicolaidis
Autism in Adulthood 2020 2:2, 132-143
“A 20‐year study of suicide death in a statewide autism population”
“Study reveals high rate of possible undiagnosed autism in people who died by suicide”
Home
Other Posts by This Author:
- Understanding Autism: A Closer Look at Diagnosis and DSM-5 Criteria
- Understanding Time Blindness + How To Cope As A Neurodivergent Parent
- Navigating Authentic Connections: Neurodivergent Struggles with Inauthenticity in Friendships
- How Your Unique Neurodivergent Perspective Inspires Society
- Parenting as an Autistic Mom: How to Embrace Neurodiversity and Thrive
- Challenging the Misconception: Non-verbal ≠ Low Comprehension Skill
