What is “Stimming”?
Before I dive directly into Vocal Stimming.
I’ll touch on what stimming in general is for anyone that doesn’t already know.
Stimming, or self-stimulatory behavior, is a term used to describe repetitive body movements or behaviors that neurodivergent individuals engage in to regulate their sensory input and emotions.
Things like hand-flapping, rocking back and forth, spinning, tapping, or repeating words or phrases, repetitive fidgets, and so many more I’m not going to try to list them all.
Neurodiverse people stim because either knowingly, or often subconsciously, it is used as a coping mechanism.
It’s often soothing for overstimulation, or used as a way to combat under stimulation.
There’s a multitude of types of stimming that and usually each person tends to gravitate towards certain types.
Different Types of Stimming:
- Visual: Sensory lighting, repeated blinking, staring at lights or objects
- Auditory: Listening to the same sounds or songs over and over, fixated by certain noises
- Tactile: Touching, squeezing, rubbing certain fabrics
- Verbal/Vocal: Whistling, tongue-clicking, saying the same word or phrase repeatedly
- Oral/Olfactory: Biting, chewing, licking, sniffing, touching objects with tongue or teeth, grinding teeth
- Vestibular and Proprioceptive: Spinning around, rocking, throwing objects, pacing, jumping, rolling.
Every neurodivergent person has their own preferred stimming types that work to regulate their particular brain.
Even though many people can have some of the same stims, its unlikely all of the stimulating behaviors one person prefers would be identical to another.
How This Relates to My family, Vocal Stimming, and the Overwhelm
My kids all have their own versions of stimming.
Each is different from the other even though they are all siblings.
In general I let my kids stim however and how much they need to in order to regulate themselves.
As long as they’re not hurting themselves or anyone else doing it it’s fair game around here. (Learn more about them in my other post here)
However, me and vocal stimming are not friends.
For more info on stimming:
Stimming: What it is and why Autistic people do it
What is Vocal Stimming?
Verbal stimming is like diarrhea of the mouth, but on repeat.
No lie.
And I mean that in the most non-offensive way possible.
One of my favorite people in the world is a vocal stimmer.
Ok, a nicer way of saying it would be that its the repetition of words or sounds or phrases, talking rapidly, making noises, reciting scripts, or any variation there of.
Me and vocal Stimming Are Not Friends
Due to my own neurodivergent traits, I am easily overstimulated by a lot of noise.
As an adult, especially with kids, I’ve learned for the most part to tune things out just so I can function.
However, my 7 year old daughter who is Autistic/ADHD, is an EXTREME vocal stimmer.
I love her to pieces, but my gosh that girl never stops making some kind of noise.
She is always talking, singing, making noises, repeating things over and over etc.
It’s a lot.
Still, for the most part I let her talk her little heart out.
But,
there are times when she gets stuck, and I mean
STUCK
on repeat.
As a mom sensitive to a lot of noise, it can feel like absolutely an all-out assault on the senses.
The worst is when she’s stuck on a question, because she’s I asked, I answered, and she doesn’t like the answer so her brain won’t let her stop until it gets what it wants.
I know,
you’re thinking all kids do that.
To a degree, yes,
but not like this.
It is extreme to the point that she can’t control it.
When this happens, my best bet is to try to redirect her to something she finds equally appealing as what she was asking for.
Sometimes that works, but if it doesn’t, I know we will be at it for the long haul.
I Tried Everything.
- Ignoring it
- Changing the Conversation
- Asking questions about something else entirely
- Straight up Bribery
- Positive Rewards or Activities
- Negative Consequences of all types
- Taking Away Privileges (Don’t come for me, I was desperate)
- So many more
Between hours of research, other parents experiences, and doctor visits, I’ve taken every piece of advice I could get and put it to the test.
But once it’s at that point, it seems nothing can help her.
Once she is stuck, it is no longer about what she wanted to begin with.
She can’t help it anymore.
She can’t control it even when she wants to. It’s an involuntary stim.
It sucks just as much for her as it does for me, and everyone else in the house who has to listen to it.
Most of the time, my best bet is to get her to her room, shut the door, and just let her have at it until she can calm down on her own.
Sounds easy, but I always feel terrible about it. Afterwards, she usually ends up crying and then taking a nap.
That’s best case scenario.
The Overwhelm
Worst case, I can’t handle it.
There are the much fewer occasions that it just overstimulates my brain to a point where I am just overwhelmed, stressed to the max, and I just can’t deal.
I know this happens to every parent at some point.
But I really hate yelling. It’s over stimulating so I do everything in my power to avoid it.
I upset my own senses with yelling, and really it only ever makes things worse, never better.
But when this shit goes on, and on, and on, I’m talking anywhere from 30 mins to a few HOURS.
Occasionally, I just plain lose my shit.
![woman holding her head]({"aperture":"0","credit":"","camera":"","caption":"Photo by Kat Smith on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pexels.com\/photo\/woman-holding-her-head-551588\/\" rel=\"nofollow\">Pexels.com<\/a>","created_timestamp":"0","copyright":"","focal_length":"0","iso":"0","shutter_speed":"0","title":"woman holding her head","orientation":"0"})
I end up yelling.
Eventually she may end up stopping, but only because now she’s crying.
And I feel like shit about it.
The Impact of Vocal Stimming on Neurodivergent Children and Their Parents
This vocal stimming struggle is a daily occurrence.
Most days it doesn’t turn into an issue, but when it does, it leaves me and everyone else anxious and stressed for the rest of the day.
It sucks.
The regular all day vocal stimming leads to tensions between her and my other 9 year old daughter, because she is overwhelmed by noise as well.
No matter how understanding I am of her needs, and how safe our home is for stimming and any kind of neurodivergent weirdness, I can’t always accommodate her extreme stimming and it’s a struggle.
I have to balance not only her needs, but my own, and those of all the other neurodivergent kids’ in my house.
For the most part it’s amazing how not chaotic it is, but this is one of those things that we struggle with because it disrupts the peace of everyone around.
Freedom to Stim
I want to emphasize,
I believe it is Important to be understanding and accepting of neurodivergent children’s (adults too!) needs.
Stimming, and the freedom to do so, is important for them to be able to cope with the world.
You should never make them feel bad about their need to stim, or whatever their preferred stim may be.
However, it’s not always easy when that stim affects other people.
As parents, finding the balance is like walking a tightrope and you definitely fall off of it from time to time.
All we can do is the best we can, and try to be better everyday.
If anyone out there is reading this, and this sounds similar to something you are or have dealt with, let me know. If there is some out of the box idea that you found has worked for you, I am absolutely all ears!
That is, if I can hear you over Miss Vocal’s talking. 😊
