Understanding Neurodivergence
The concept of neurodivergence isn’t exactly new, but it has only recently started becoming an important topic of conversation in today’s society, For those who may not understand what the term neurodivergent means, let me explain.
Neurodivergent means that a persons brain varies in mental or neurological function from what is considered typical or normal. (Neurotypical).
This can include differences in neurological functioning that can affect cognition, behavior, and social interaction.
Some of the more common conditions that fall under the neurodivergent umbrella are:
Autism, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, Tourette’s Syndrome, Bipolar Disorder, and more.
People who are neurodivergent often experience the world in different ways than neurotypical people, which can lead to having unique strengths, challenges, and perspectives.
Some may have difficulty with social skills, or sensory experiences, while others may have exceptional skills in certain areas.
It’s important to note: Neurodivergence is Not a disorder, but a natural variation in human neurology.
In other words, there is nothing inherently wrong with the neurodivergent brain. as society tries to imply.
It just works differently.
Neurodivergence is Supposed to Exist
I firmly believe there is reason that there are so many different neurotypes in the world, and that is because there are supposed to be.
We are not all meant to be the same.
With all our differences come varying strengths and weaknesses.
All of which can be, and have been, used by society to advance us as a civilization.
Yet, throughout history those that didn’t meet the mold of society were treated as less than.
Less than perfect, less than equal, and less worthy. Just less.
All because the society at large says so.
It needs to STOP.
Neurodivergence & My Family
I admit, I felt like I was not enough for a long time.
But I never understood exactly what it was about me that was so different.
Neurodivergence wasn’t something that was ever talked about.
So, I eventually learned to embrace being weird, and stopped caring what anyone else thought of me.
But it was a bumpy road to get to that point.
Then, I had my kids and they gave me a new perspective.
I learned a lot through the beginning years. As we all do.
But the most recent ones changed everything. I’ll give you the cliff notes version for now because there is so much more to it, but that’ll have to wait for another time.
My oldest has severe ADHD and the early days of fighting with the schools and bullies were ugly.
He was a whirlwind of impulses and I struggled to help him.
He is now more stable and learning to manage himself at 18 years old.
My next son is a stark contrast with his natural charisma.
Everyone loves him. Except himself.
His OCD and need to be perfect at everything ate at him. He is 16 now and has more control of this now that he’s older.
My third son is 14. When he was younger, he had a speech delay and still has a slight lisp.
He is super socially awkward, and when in school, seemed to attract bullies like a fly to shit.
I eventually had to pull him out of public schools to protect him from getting beat up everyday because the schools “couldn’t” protect him.
He is a walking encyclopedia on world history, and closely follows current world events.
We didn’t find out found out that he is ASD (Asperger’s) until he was 12. It’s changed everything since then.
My fourth child, and first daughter, is the sweetest little girl.
But her social awkwardness, need to strictly adhere to rules, various fine motor problems, and black and white thinking, makes it really hard for her to make friends.
She has dyscalculia, dysgraphia, and a multitude of sensory needs. These learning differences, sensory issues, and the fear of speaking up for herself made school feel like absolute torture. She used to tell me that school was like a prison, and she was going to hell everyday.
Finally in the 3rd grade, we were able to get a full eval, and she was diagnosed ASD lvl 1 (Asperger’s). Shortly into 4th grade we realized even with the diagnosis, and extensive IEP, public school wasn’t ever going to work for her.
The lack of ability of the schools to accommodate her needs drove her to the point of wanting to
unalive herself. I decided whatever I had to do, I was not going to send her back there. So, I pulled her out
and opted to homeschool her.
It took some time for her to decompress from the level of stress she was under, but she is doing fantastic now. Her inner light is shining bright again, and is no longer dimmed by societies overbearing institutions.
My fifth child, and second daughter, is a whole Autistic ADHD Tornado.
She’s only 7, but even with medication her impulses have led to some precarious situations.
She has by far the most challenging behaviors and is the polar opposite of her sister. Her struggles don’t affect her as much academically because she exceeds grade level on all of her work. But, this creates a new problem of it’s own.
Since her symptoms mostly show as behavioral in school, they don’t care as much about her struggles. They just assume because she is so smart that she must be fine. It is whole different battle for her than it was for her sister, and I’m not sure what path we will end up on just yet.
Last, but not least, my sixth and youngest child.
He was non-verbal up until he was around 3.5 years old. Then all of a sudden he just started copying language everywhere! He still does a lot of scripting but is starting to use some spontaneous language to communicate.
On top of that, he is a huge sensory seeker, and needs to be able to spin, jump, and climb to regulate himself.
But most importantly, HE was also the key to unlocking it all.
My son is almost 4 now, but at 18 months old he was diagnosed as Autistic. Level 2.
Oddly enough, he was the first one with the ASD diagnosis.
I hadn’t even really heard the the term neurodivergence up until this point. Even with all of the other diagnosis’. But, it was his diagnosis, followed by his astute therapist laying eyes on my older daughter, and giving me a boatload resources and information, that led to where we are today.
You see, his therapist was the First person to suspect my daughter was also on the spectrum,
and that I should have her evaluated too.
So I did…
Finally, It All Makes Sense.
I did get her tested. That’s when she was finally diagnosed, and her world started to make more sense.
After that it felt like a stack of dominoes lined up and knocked down. It started with my youngest, then her, which led to my third oldest son, then my other daughter, and then me.
World changing.
While it was overwhelming in the moment, it was the best thing that had ever happened.
Because suddenly, everything made so much SENSE!
Instead of fumbling around life feeling lost without a map, we finally had the map!
And when you understand how your brain works, and why you are the way you are it truly changes everything.
I realized that there was NOTHING WRONG with me, or any of us at all!
Our brains just work differently, and it was so validating.
From then on, I researched and absorbed all the information I could.
Instead of trying to help my kids fit in, I taught them to EMBRACE who they were.
I focused on teaching them problem solving skills, learning how each of our brains work, and adapting to the world in a way that made sense to use individually. Things became so much easier when you did them in our own way.
“To Change the world is not your mission.
To change yourself is not your duty. To awaken your true nature is your opportunity “
-Unknown
Giving my children a strong sense of self to survive the world ahead was a top priority.
Being able to accommodate their individual needs at home was a game changer.
Suddenly the chaos became a low murmur.
Our home became our sanctuary,
and I found myself.
I’m Not Broken
I am not broken, less worthy, or less than equal. Neither are my children.
We are all enough, Exactly as we are.
Do you know what it feels like to finally feel like you have worth? It’s indescribable.
So, THAT is now what my kids are learning. So, they don’t have to grow up feeling like they are not enough.
Neurodivergence is not something to be ashamed of. No one should ever be made to feel like they are not just as worthy of this life and all it has to offer as anyone else.
That is why I am writing and opening up to the world with our stories.
Because there has been so much pain, grief, and sadness.
But there is also light, freedom, and joy.
This was only the beginning of our journey. Read more about the struggles of raising children in todays society here.
More Posts From This Author:
- Understanding Autism: A Closer Look at Diagnosis and DSM-5 Criteria
- Understanding Time Blindness + How To Cope As A Neurodivergent Parent
- Navigating Authentic Connections: Neurodivergent Struggles with Inauthenticity in Friendships
- How Your Unique Neurodivergent Perspective Inspires Society
- Parenting as an Autistic Mom: How to Embrace Neurodiversity and Thrive
